I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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