there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
