At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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