I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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