Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
