she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
