Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.