He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.