people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not