i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
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she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?