Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby