Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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