i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
