SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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