I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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