I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
