Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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