you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
