The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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