Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
