Non-Jews are for practice
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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