He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
