I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
