she looked like the bat from fern gully.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
