Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
