We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
