He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
