I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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