marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you win again, gameday.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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