I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
