You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
