Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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