WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
