My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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