I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
