did you get engaged???
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
