You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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