Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
