I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My dick has a subreddit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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