Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
