I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
