My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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