That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
