I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
