Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize