Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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