My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
