dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
