I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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