well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
dude. I can hear the air.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
