Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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