Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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