i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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