Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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