You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
