Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
