it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
