Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
