the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
