if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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