Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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