But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
