Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
