Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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