As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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