Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
