if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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