I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
