Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
