I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize